Winter Tablescapes!

Hey you go-getter gals!

Happy winter to you even though its March fucking 2nd! I have to tell you that winter really gets me down in the dumps – can you believe how long its been, and how much snow we have had and how COLD it is and that WE DO THIS EVERY GODDAMN YEAR AND FALL ON OUR ASSES WALKING OUT TO SCRAPE OFF OUR CAR THAT MIGHT NOT START WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT WHY WE LIVE IN THIS GODFORSAKEN CLIMATE ?!  But you know what gets my spirits back up? A beautiful winter tablescape! I just made one using some gourds I had bought for fall and then forgot about in the cupboards that I never check.  Whoops!  My misfortune has turned into a beautiful winter blessing that I am now #blessed to #share with #you.

Here’s how I got this beautiful winter table scape:

1. Discover rotting gourds in your cupboard that were for a well intentioned, responsible fall decoration

2. Set out said gourds on table covered with US Weekly magazines that were lying on your floor moments before. You are now ready to paint!

3. Realize you have no crafting materials. Run to nearest Target to grab only paint and paintbrush, spend an hour trying to find out if they have paint and where that might be, since you spend most of your Target runs in the antacid and chip aisles.

4. Finally work up the nerve to ask an employee where the paint might be.  Paint for gourds. or crafts, you further explain, after they direct you to Home Depot.

5. Grab the paint, some beef jerky and get the hell outta there. You’ve got crafting to do!

6. Arrive home, drop everything where you entered and get to your crafting table.

7. Decide which colors might convey a winter-wonderland on a rotting plant that is brown-ish gray colored.

8. Begin to paint. The gourd is your oyster! I painted stars and pine trees on mine, if you look closely, you can see the detail, and if you look even more close, you might see a tiny whitetail deer I hid in there*. You can do WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT on yours!

I took these BLAH gourds:

and this BLAH table:

and turned it into this FABULOUSLY FESTIVE table, that is SURE to take the winter blues away:

Happy painting, gals!

*there is no white tail deer, are you fucking kidding me.