Easter Party Idea!

Ever find yourself brutally hungover on your way to an Easter party that you don’t want to go to, when all of a sudden! You remember that you’re responsible for bringing a dessert. SHIT. What are you to do? You know all those judgmental people at the party who spent days sculpting a giant rabbit out of cookie dough (that had to be fired in a kiln) will be waiting to see what pathetic store-bought dessert you bring.

Not this Easter, ladies. Here’s how to save the day:

1. Pull over into the nearest gas station. Check your mirror to see if you still have mascara under your eyes. Yep, good thing you checked.

2. Dash in, you’ll need three things: Peeps Marshmallow Chicks, a handful of Cadbury Eggs, a paper plate (well, they only sell them in packs, keep the rest in your trunk for emergencies such as this), and a pack of toothpicks. Ooh Gatorade. Ok you’ll need four things. You’re not going anywhere before you chug a Tiger Woods Performance Serious Athlete Gatorade or you might die of dehydration.

3. Get back in your car, roll down the windows. God you’re sweating.

4. Begin to assemble your dessert! It’s important you assemble anywhere but parked in the drive way of the party you’re supposed be at. Ladies never reveal their secrets! Begin to unwrap all items.

5. Place one butt of a Peeps chick on top of a sideways Cadbury Egg. Then place a toothpick through the butt and through the egg, it should look like the chick is laying or nesting on the egg.

6. Repeat until there’s nothing left.

7. Shit, you didn’t buy enough Cadbury Eggs for how many Peeps you have! Not to fear, place the remaining eggless Peeps on the plate, and let people know that those are male chicks. MALES DON’T LAY EGGS. A good lesson for the young ones at the party. It’s not just a dessert, its an educational dessert! Take that rabbit cookie sculpture bitch.

8. Throw them all on a plate. Jesus, this took longer that you thought. Who gives a shit how it looks it will still taste the same, even if you arranged it to look like a flower or religious symbol.

9. Place plate of dessert in your lap so it doesn’t spill all over your car. If one of these touches the floor or any part of your upholstery, you won’t be able to hide the dirt they picked up.

10. If you get hungry en route, eat a MALE Peep. No one will know.

11. Arrive to the party with unknowingly with yellow sugar and marshmallow all over your face. Whatever, they’ll soon forget that when they see your Easter Masterpiece.

12. Tell impressed party guests you thought of this on a whim, and that your inspiration was not only Easter, but spring and new life as shown with the female Peeps.  It will blow their goddamn minds and hopefully make them feel shame about their own inferior looking desserts.

It’s over! You did it! Now go hit the bathroom and air out a little. You’re pitting out and you still need to wash that crap off your face. Smile at yourself in the mirror. You’ve earned it because you’re a woman on the go, always working, yet finding the time to impress those around you with your tasty dishes. Oh no, here come the dry heaves….God punishes….but He also rewards….